I started writing this topic long time back. Considering the seriousness and controversiality of it, I did not feel like posting it for a long time. I just decided to make full use of my "freedom of expression".
These days we discuss a lot about human rights. I am not here to discuss the meaning of the term, I leave that to wiki. I just want to narrate a small incident which took place quite a few years back:
I was traveling in a local train. Being a Sunday the train was free from its regular rush. Suddenly I heard a woman yelling and crying, though all in rural Bengali, I could understand no word of it. Generally I am not a very inquisitive person, and like keep out of personal affairs of anyone. Somehow, this time I could not hold myself back. The train had stopped at a station and a man was desperately trying to pull a girl in late teens out of the train. Both of them were dressed shabbily and looked typically the way rural India, Below Poverty Line depicts. They were surrounded by curious people all trying not to miss a single moment of the show. Lewd remarks came about bringing family issues in public and creating a scene from a sober semi-urban gentleman. Without any thought, I held the hand which was dragging the teenager and said : "Chharun. Ok chharun bolchhi. (Leave her, Just leave her I said)". The man, hardly in early twenties looked at me and got very puzzled. This was perhaps the first time someone came in between him and his wife creating menace in public. I heard the some rural women, passengers in the same train coming up with the excuse that the man is the girl’s husband! I told the man that he has got no right to beat his wife, even if he is her husband. Whether it was the steel in my voice or the abruptness of the situation I don't know, the man left his wife. By this time the train started and the man got out to the station. The poor girl was narrating her life, how she is beaten each and every day. Today she found a chance to escape and just ran to the station and caught this train. She even gave birth to a child(probably a girl), who was mercilessly killed by her husband and in-laws. I could not catch her entire story since by this time many rural "well-wishers" were already comforting her and her tongue was also different from the urban Bengali that we speak. She got down at a station from where she could reach her parents place.
This happens perhaps in every corner of the world. How many of us give it a proper thought! We only start talking about it when we see someone very near, suffering. I would have loved to take this as a one off case, but unfortunately its not. What bothered me more were the remarks of the crowd present inside the compartment. They were telling me that the guy is her husband, subtly implying that I have not understood the situation fully and that is why I have come to rescue and since a man is executing his birth right of beating his wife, I should not intrude. I still cannot forgive myself for not accompanying her to the police station. God knows what happened to her after that. Maybe after a few days she was sent back to her in-laws to get the remaining quota of abuse and merciless beating!
I am not saying that the entire society is moron. The above were only the remarks passed by some rural uneducated people. What depresses me more is the way we educated people think. Most of the guys I have spoken to do not want to give this a thought! My friends take it personally and often come up with excuses as if it is him who has done the crime, or better they avoid it altogether. My colleagues argue that IPC section 498A is absurd and utter rubbish. It is just a weapon to put poor guys in trouble. Yes, I am aware of the fact that like others, this section of the law has also been misused. But more than 90% of the cases filed are true events.
63 years of independence! Do all of us have the right to live freely? Do all of us execute our rights properly? I have so many things in my mind. Putting all those would be too much for one topic. I leave it to my friends to interpret and let me know what you feel.
india eto unnoti korche..bt tao its still a male dominating society in which we live in..ekhono manush female child abandon kore ..even they kill a child just bcoz its a female...n equal rights??eta je kobe bastobayito hobe bhagaban e jane......anyways good writing once again.....
ReplyDeleteIts really hard to define the meaning of right to live and that also freely. But we all should try to execute our rights when possible and as much as we can. We most of the time say that poverty, less education is the problem. But exercising own right comes from one's ownself. Lets hope for a better society and we should support each other in living freely. BTW its a good writing...keep it up
ReplyDeleteMonomita
These incidents happen in so called educated family too. Recently we saw in the TV channels and news paper about Rahul Mahajon and Dimpy Ganguly Mahajan. We saw the spot of bite in her thigh clearly. The problem doesn't lie only in male dominance, but actually in proper education and implementing it. If a man tries to unethically dominate his wife, why she won't try her best to raise voice against it? I hope people of this generation are getting properly educated enough to understand this equality. I've discussed with many of my friends, they have so many things to do other than beating up their wives these days. With their global ambition today, I think, the modern generation is ready to get rid of these typical rural, uncultured habit of dominating a poor girl(whom I think equally responsible for her own situation). BTW.. thanks Moumita.. and Good job
ReplyDelete-- Kallol
what should i say?..mou, being a little bit of relation with u, i just want to utter some words.....No1) there was a guy at our locality, every night he used to give one roti to a street dog, and the dog ate it !..do u think that the guy did any mistake?..think......
ReplyDeletebut after the dinner when the dog gazed at the guy...he used to throw a broken brick to that dog....!..this is the plesure of that guy!..but the dog used to come every day to eat the roti..
the fact is that, the dog is equal to ur afore said storied girl, she has a stomach, she has appetite..after getting so much beating she will go to him..!..some time u will see, the lady can earn but has to tollerate the torture of her hub...THE THEME OF THESE TYPE OF STORY..HOW LONG A GIRL / "GUY" WONT GET THE "EARNING IDENTITY" HE OR SHE HAS TO TOLLERATE SUCH AS INCIDENT...
and I have been seeing this type of menace after my sense...but right now, there is no such as "virile" man in our society,...and u may smile of my last line....where i was lived at ichhapur,...on a night i heard "tumi amar bou hoye pete lathi marle"?.."being a wife of mine, u kick me on my stomach"?????so this is also happen OK??but rare...lots of thing to say like this type of issue.but have to wait till i go to ur home...ok??
take care
god blesss you!
the writing is goood but the theme is very saddy
the above comment from me milan
ReplyDeleteAm glad that you posted this. So true about the domestic violence it happens everywhere we just ignore it. Bravo at-least you stood up for that lady. A very thought provoking read. 498A puts guys in a troubling situation even when they are not culprit and should be amended, that is what I believe. I know a few cases where it was misused just to nab down the guys.
ReplyDelete@Priyanka: Thanks re. I agree we still have a long way to go.
ReplyDelete@Monomita : Thanks for your comment. My question is, how to bring that radical transformation in thinking. How to make all these people believe that everyone has the right to freedom.
@Kallol : Very true. This happens in the urban society also, that too in an unsophisticated raw manner. I am not saying that all the guys do it, but there are events like this which take place in educated and classy families. I completely agree with you that in some cases the girl is equally responsible.
i) You brought up a very recent nice example of Dimpy Ganguly. Why did she go ahead to marry that moron? He was already accused by his first wife of violence which came up in the media a few years back. I was shocked to see that her parents also supported this marriage.
ii) I have a friend, who was working as a teacher in school. She was forced to leave her job after getting married. After that she had been going through tremendous abuse and torment. We, her friends tried to pursue her to break free from her marriage and lead a normal life. She never had the courage to come out, since her own parents did not support her.
At times we are so much bothered about the societal norms that we forget there is life beyond pretending to lead a 'happy married life'. Only we can change this. Thank you for your sharing your thoughts.
@Milan : Thanks for the comment. Yes, at times poverty and lack of education bring us down to tolerate anything and everything. However, we are still human. There is still a difference. In the animal kingdom a dog would not go and start biting a bitch, unless there is a fight for zone marking.
I am not disagreeing that the reverse takes place. But that is not a widely accepted norm in the society. In a healthy world no such thing should happen.
@sleepingghost : Thanks. I know that the law is misused in some cases. However I have seen that in proper situations this section is not used at all. For example, take the above case. I have my doubt whether the girl went to the police to file a complaint. This is one section of the law which is underutilized. Do you think that totally amending this section would help the guys! No. The law exists because the crime takes place. If you make amendments in this section then whatever small numbers of true cases are being heard, won’t be there as well.
This is Priyabrata...
ReplyDeleteI can say, you just did a GREAT thing infront of so called educated spectators...There r lots of this type of cases happens every day in every corner in our country but nice to see atleast 1 of those helpless got escaped from being tortured and live freely atleast for few days or may be for ever...
Hope in future more people will come from those educated spectators to join you in this type of incidents...Bravo
@Priyabrata : Thanks. I agree that the girl escaped for sometime at least. Together, we can make the difference. We can change our surrounding with little efforts from our side.
ReplyDelete